Ugly Cat Speaks

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Divine Inspiration?

Hello folks,

I've been beating myself up for not writing (let alone updating this blog) and decided to go through some old notebooks to see what inspires me. While I haven't written anything new (yet), I did find it interesting that I found two God-themed pieces in different places. One is a poem and the other is a short play. I hope you enjoy them. ~LTV

To find my God
I used my head
but in my search
I found him dead
I tried again
this time with heart
feelings stalled me
I couldn't start
"I'll stop my quest"
I told my Soul
Then God found Me
and made me whole

LTV
10/10/2004





Weeping Buddha

A play
by Laura T. Varney
(c) August 21, 2004

The Weeping Buddha carries the burden of the cares of the World on his shoulders. The World is profoundly sad, they say, and someone has to always be weeping for its sorrows, so that you can be joyful.


Cast of Characters
(in order of appearance)

Woman, thirty-something
Girl, woman at 9 years old
Boy, 9 years old
Woman's Mother, VOICE ONLY
Woman's Father, VOICE ONLY
Teen Girl, Woman's best friend
Teen Boy, Woman's boyfriend
Doctor 1
Doctor 2
Guy, Woman's fiancé
God, VOICE ONLY (a woman)
Nurse 1
Nurse 2


Scenes

ACT I An empty stage except for a wooden chair. Most of the play's "action" takes place within the mind of the Woman.

ACT II A hospital.

ACT III An empty stage except for a black backdrop. Most of the play's "action" takes place within the mind of the Woman.

ACT IV A hospital.

ACT V Woman's apartment.



ACT I -- A LIFE

A woman of thirty-something sits in a chair CENTER STAGE. She is wearing a jeans and a t-shirt. The stage is empty except for her and a plain wooden chair.

DARKNESS

From OFF STAGE can be heard children's voices laughing. A dim SPOT LIGHT illuminates the woman.

[OFF STAGE]

Girl: Eww! (LAUGHTER) oh, stop it, cut it out. that's gross.

Boy: My brother said that's what girls like.

Girl: Since when did you start listening to your brother?

Boy: I don't know. You just started looking like a girl I wanted to do that to.

Girl: Well, maybe I am not a girl at all. Maybe I am an angel sent to Earth to make boys like you kiss frogs instead of girls.

Boy: Get that away from me! Come on, I mean it. Ohh! Ugh! Gross! (SPITS)

Girl: I'll let you know what this girl likes. And when this girl would like it.

The SPOTLIGHT moves to STAGE RIGHT. A boy of about nine stands alone with a bullet-hole in his head.

Boy: My brother said it wasn't loaded. It wasn't your fault.

SPOTLIGHT dims on Boy, and brightens on CENTER STAGE. The woman is still in the same position. She looks distressed.

[OFF STAGE]

Mother: (SHOUTING) Come on Sweetheart, you want to be ready when your date arrives. I'm sure he'll be here any minute.

Father: (QUIETLY) Honey, don't do this. The limo is already a half an hour late.

Mother: (QUIETLY) He'll be here. Why would he ask her to the prom and not show up?

SPOTLIGHT on STAGE LEFT. A teenage couple stands in prom wear which is rumpled and in a semi-state of coming off.

Teen Girl: But why do I have to tell her?

Teen Boy: You're her best friend. It'll be easier that way. Trust me, baby. (LEANS IN TO KISS HER AND FEEL HER BREAST)

SPOTLIGHT fades before contact is made.



ACT II -- A DEATH

SPOTLIGHT on CENTER STAGE. Woman is still in same position. She appears, now, to be in shock.

[OFFSTAGE - man's voice, approaching CENTER STAGE from STAGE RIGHT]

Doctor 1: I'm so sorry for your loss. There's no right way to ask this, so...do you know if your parents were organ donors? It's just, well, since they died in an accident, many of their organs are still useful to other patients. As the older daughter, you would have to be the one to give permission...

Woman nods to indicate yes. SPOTLIGHT goes out. STAGE is dark.

SPOTLIGHT on CENTER STAGE. Woman is wearing the same jeans and t-shirt but it is now covered in a light Fall coat. SPOTLIGHT widens to include a different doctor at STAGE LEFT.

Doctor 2: Do you understand what's happened? You haven't said anything since, I first explained, told you, about Guy. Is there someone else I can call? A friend perhaps? There was nothing anyone could have done. I don't think he even knew he had a heart condition. (PAUSE) Are you sure there isn't someone we can call? Woman stands up, takes off her engagement ring and places it on the chair. She walks toward STAGE RIGHT, SPOTLIGHT does not follow.

SILENCE, then a gunshot is heard.

Doctor: Oh my God! I need some help over here!

LIGHTS GO OUT.



ACT III -- A MYSTERY

Lights come up on STAGE to reveal nothing but the woman lying on the ground CENTER STAGE. She is wearing a hospital gown and a toe tag. The background appears to stretch into infinity.

Somber piano music can be heard. It sounds as if someone is simply tapping on the keys with one finger.

[OFF STAGE]

Guy: I would have waited for you.

Boy: You don't belong here.

Woman bolts upright. Startled, she looks around as if to see where the voices are coming from. She notices the gown and toe tag she is wearing.

Woman: (ANGRILY SHOUTING) What the hell is this!? Show yourself you mother-fucking son of a virgin. Is this all I get? (TO HERSELF) It figures. I died and finally proved that God doesn't exist after all. Jesus Christ. I was expecting Hell, not this nothingness crap I am familiar with. (SHOUTING) Where are you? I think I'm entitled to something! Anything! Give me more pain. Or make me blissful or whatever Heaven's supposed to be. Don't just forget me here like you did on Earth. God, how fair is that?

MUSIC STOPS

Woman stands CENTER STAGE, lights go out except for SPOTLIGHT on her.

Woman: What's happening?

[OFF STAGE -- woman's voice echoing slightly]

God: Fairness is something I do not control.

Woman: You control everything in life!

God: Life was only designed to continue. You control the rest.

Woman: Well, that doesn't apply anymore.

God: You failed.

Woman: (SARCASTICALLY) Well, thank you for that. That I understand all too well. It's also apparently how I got here. What I don't understand is why "here" feels the same as there. Shouldn't I be forgiven or forsaken or for Christ's sake fully-clothed!?

God: You are as you have always seen yourself.

Woman: In a hospital gown and toe tag? I don't think so. I'm more of a jeans and T-shirt girl.

God: So be it.

Light goes out on woman.

Woman: What's going on?

Lights come up on STAGE. None of the scenery has changed but the woman is now wearing jeans and a T-shirt.

Woman: (LOOKING AROUND) And I was expecting a masseuse, a strong espresso mocha, and a real comfy chair.

Nothing happens. Woman looks around expectantly.

Woman: Well, it couldn't hurt.

God: Have you learned anything on Earth?

Woman: (SARCASTICALLY) Oh yeah, I learned plenty. Don't trust anyone. Don't get too close to anyone. People leave. People die. This whole "life continues" thing is crap. Nothing lasts.

God: That's why you're here.

Woman: Yes, I guess you're right.

God: No, you do not understand. NOTHING lasts.

Woman: Yeah, I go that. Nothing lasts. Nothing....lasts. (UNDERSTANDING) NOTHING...lasts. That is why I'm here. I made this nothingness last.

God: You stopped looking for me.

Woman: You had nothing to offer me.

God: That's all you took from me.

Woman: What? You gave me this Nothingness?

God: No. It's what you took from what I offered.

Woman: I don't recall you offering a happy life with a best friend to grow up with. You didn't offer me people I could trust. All you did was offer me hope then snatch it away from me again. Just about everyone I ever cared about is dead! I'm beginning to question either your motives or my luck; but I know I'm not the bad guy here. You claim you offered me more than nothing? Prove it!

God: Do you hurt when these things happen?

Woman: What the hell kind of proof is that? Pain = Faith? Fuck you! Fuck your life lessons. You said it yourself. I failed. You might as well leave me alone or send me to Hell. What else do you have to offer me now?

God: It's what you can offer me that I am more interested in.

Woman: I'm sorry, what? Maybe it's that divine echo thing, but I heard...what? (INCREDULOUS) I'M DEAD! I'm nothing. IN nothing, as you gloriously pointed out. What do I have to offer?

God: Prove to me that your life was my mistake.

Woman: You want me to prove to you how my life was a mistake? Are you kidding me with this?

God: Why do you think we are having this discussion?

Woman: I was going to ask about that. I mean, I did kill myself. Doesn't that send me straight to Hell? Is this my Hell? Trying to have a sensible conversation with an entity pretending to be God?

God: So now you don't believe in me? Is that your answer to my question?

Woman: (PAUSE) You said I stopped looking for you. (QUIETLY) I stopped because I found you, not because I gave up. I found you and you had nothing for me. What was I supposed to do with that? How was I supposed to handle finding out that I didn't like what I had been searching for for so long?

God: That's why we're having this discussion.

Woman: What. So I can finally like you, accept you? Like what my life was made up of? Like all of those disappointments, funerals, suffering, and failures?

God: No. So you can begin searching for something else.



ACT IV -- A DEATH

Lights come up on the STAGE to reveal the woman lying on the STAGE wearing a hospital gown but no toe tag. Her head is bandaged and she appears unconscious. Lights go out again.

SPOTLIGHT on STAGE LEFT reveals two nurses.

Nurse 1: (WHISPERING) I heard that after her fiancé died, she shot herself right there in the ER.

Nurse 2: Well that was smart. She didn't have to go far for treatment.

Nurse 1: I don't think she was expecting to survive. Most bullets to the brain don't ricochet off the skull. They pretty much shatter it and keep going. She was lucky enough to have both a hard head and a defective bullet. Although I was here a few months ago too, the night of her parents accident. Both of them at once; I'd hate to have that kind of luck.

Nurse 2: Do you think she can sue the bullet manufacturer?

Nurse 1: Doubtful. Anyway. God sure does work in mysterious ways.

Nurse 2: I'm an Atheist. There is no god that could explain all the things that she's been through.

Nurse 1: Christ,I wasn't being literal. It's just an expression. Come on, it's break time. Let's go out for a smoke.

SPOTLIGHT goes out on STAGE LEFT.

SPOTLIGHT comes on to CENTER STAGE revealing woman in the same position on the floor, wearing the same hospital gown.

SPOTLIGHT on CENTER STAGE fades off.

[OFF STAGE]

God: You failed.

CENTER SPOT on woman fades on again.

Woman: I understand.

CENTER SPOT fades out.

[OFF STAGE]

God: Failure doesn't always lead to nothingness.

CENTER SPOT on woman.

Woman: It hurts. All the time.

SPOT FADES OUT

[OFFSTAGE]

God: Well, at least that's something.

CENTER SPOT on woman.

Woman: How could I have believed in God, but not in anything else?

SPOT FADES OUT.



ACT V -- A LIFE

Dim CENTER SPOT on woman sitting in a chair talking on the phone. As SPOT brightens on her, we can hear her talking.

Woman: (to phone)... I suppose I'll buy a villa in Italy or France. Get my life together and get everything I ever wanted. (PAUSE)(LAUGHTER) I haven't been watching too many movies. I've been watching the wrong kinds. Too many deal with these grand ideals of Love, Faith, Hope, Heroism. There's always a perfect way to be, to do things, to express yourself -- but I've never found it. (PAUSE) What else do I have to search for? (WOMAN PAUSES AS IF REMEMBERING SOMETHING) Hmm, well, I'll settle for the perfect recipe for potlucks (LAUGHTER) I swear to God if another person shows up with some sort of "It's-Tofu-not chicken" casserole I'm not going to be able to stifle my laughter. (PAUSE) Thanks, I love you too. I'm glad we found the chance to talk. -- Ever since our, well, the accident, and then Guy and, well, me going crazy I guess; I just couldn't face the possibility of losing you too. I was afraid of what you'd think. Afraid you'd want nothing to do with me after, well you know. (PAUSE) Well, since you put it that way, Sis, I guess I'll have to live forever. (CHUCKLES) Of course not. I know better now. I know that life has to continue. Hey, are you sure you don't want to come to the potluck? It's only a three hour drive. (SMILES) I know. We'll see each other next month. No more excuses. I promise. I've missed you. (BELL/TIMER sounds) That's my appetizer. No, I cook the first part and the chill the second part. I don't know why I love these intricate recipes. I guess I'm searching for what I'm good at. (PAUSE) You know, I really believe I will find it some day. (PAUSE) I know -- Optimism. Who knew I had it in me? I suppose I had to kill my Cynic to find out. Listen, I've got to run. I love you Sis. Talk to you soon. (HANGS UP PHONE)

Lights come up on STAGE. There are several more chairs and a banner which reads: "Suicide Survivor Monthly Potluck: We Live to Eat!"

Woman gets up, sighs and exits at STAGE LEFT.

STAGE lights fade out.

THE END.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

This year's crop of birthday poems

Hello stumbling or surfing readers of this haphazardly maintained blog. Here are a few poems I attribute to my annual birthday writing phenomenon.

still the task is difficult

reaching out
from yourself
you fight
to live
but
die
each time
you fail
for yourself
no mercy

that moment
just before
the fear
takes hold
you
stop
take charge
be free
just until
the next time

reaching out
just before
you fight
the fear
hold
life
take time
fail-free
just yourself
no next time

ltv
12/9/07


2007

imprinted
in my soul
a brand
so searing
I won't forget
a tribal tat
the cat bite
a new soul
to welcome
the mourning
of a local era
sparks of life
leave Maori scars

ltv
12/11/07


This one's been bouncing around in my head for a while now. Two phrases started this poem: "the dead remain silent" and "living is noisy."

living is noisy

a constant chatter
of gossip and
grey matter
the voices of
the choices we made

babbling away
in our daydreams
of ghosts getting
one last chance
to say goodbye

crying, pleading
struggling for
the noise of life
but the dead
remain silent

ltv
12/12/07