International Talk Like a Pirate Day!
Arrr, avast me hearties! It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I'll spare everyone (that is, both of you who actually read this blog) the barrage of pirate jokes which all have some form of "arrr" in the punchline. And I will even forego an attempt to write this blog all in "pirate-speak". So, why mention the auspiciousness of today's parodic holiday? Well, as luck would have it, I am attempting to write a novel about...yes, pirates. Not in a saucy "Pirates of the Caribbean" way, though my first thoughts of the storyline was a cross between that and "The Princess Bride". No, this is a futuristic, ecological, and sort of anti-organized religion story. However, apart from that odd combination of ideas, there will be fighting, witty banter, good guys, bad guys and, hopefully a love interest. Well, really more of a disinterest in love, but can you blame me?
Since I have only just begun this endeavor -- and since I have absolutely no confidence in my skill as a fiction writer (having written only short poems thus far in my career) -- I will share with you only a brief part of what I have written so far. This may end up being the opening of the novel, though I reserve the right to change that if I end up writing something better later on.
Pirates Dream
by ltv
The door of the captain's quarters, which had been specially stolen from a monastery on what was left of the British Isles, slammed shut. The captain was an unpleasant man and after the war, when the religions disbanded, he felt it his personal mission to ransack every last shrine, temple, and monastery that had anything even remotely valuable or interesting. This door, made of some wood that the captain didn't really care about, was stolen from the Brothers of Creation who were a remote off-shoot of a religion that no one really understood. Their entire belief system centered around an Invisible Hermaphrodite who created living poppets out of clay and bone who eventually gave birth to all of Humanity. The Invisible Hermaphrodite (IH) kept these humanoids in a special garden where they would do whatever the IH wanted them to do. In fact, the IH had created lots of different types of creatures who also inhabited this garden and, for the most part, lived in harmony doing whatever the IH commanded. At some point one of the other creatures showed the poppets how to become self-aware and they had ideas about doing things that the IH had specifically told them not to do. They didn't just have ideas though, they made decisions and took action to follow through with all of these wonderfully exciting new ideas they were having. This made the IH so mad, not only did He specify a gender by which they could refer to Him when they cursed His name, he also became visible to them (just to make the point that He could still do whatever He wanted). The only thing the poppets saw of the IH, though, was a giant hand pointing the way out of the garden. This was the scene that was intricately carved in wood on the captain's door: two humanoids with their heads bowed low, an eel-like creature with a mischievous look on its face, and a giant hand pointing off to the side with the words BE GONE underneath it. Since this is exactly the sentiment that the captain wanted to convey to anyone approaching his quarters, he ordered the door to be removed from the Brothers of Creation monastery. It took five men to haul the massive thing from the top of the mountain to the ship docked at the base. It should have taken seven men, but the captain had already killed one for suggesting they build some type of cart in which to convey the door. The captain had taken this as an insult to his leadership and was small-minded enough not to realize that a simple search of the monastery grounds would have afforded them just such a vehicle. The other crew member in the landing party had managed to slip away unnoticed while the first was being killed and the captain was still so put out at the affront to his authority that he didn't notice until they were already back at the ship.
(to be continued)
PS: In case you're wondering why I would write about such a "delightful" pirate captain, you can be assured that this pirate captain is not the "hero" of the book. (My pirate captain is a woman who mutinies against this captain.)
Since I have only just begun this endeavor -- and since I have absolutely no confidence in my skill as a fiction writer (having written only short poems thus far in my career) -- I will share with you only a brief part of what I have written so far. This may end up being the opening of the novel, though I reserve the right to change that if I end up writing something better later on.
Pirates Dream
by ltv
The door of the captain's quarters, which had been specially stolen from a monastery on what was left of the British Isles, slammed shut. The captain was an unpleasant man and after the war, when the religions disbanded, he felt it his personal mission to ransack every last shrine, temple, and monastery that had anything even remotely valuable or interesting. This door, made of some wood that the captain didn't really care about, was stolen from the Brothers of Creation who were a remote off-shoot of a religion that no one really understood. Their entire belief system centered around an Invisible Hermaphrodite who created living poppets out of clay and bone who eventually gave birth to all of Humanity. The Invisible Hermaphrodite (IH) kept these humanoids in a special garden where they would do whatever the IH wanted them to do. In fact, the IH had created lots of different types of creatures who also inhabited this garden and, for the most part, lived in harmony doing whatever the IH commanded. At some point one of the other creatures showed the poppets how to become self-aware and they had ideas about doing things that the IH had specifically told them not to do. They didn't just have ideas though, they made decisions and took action to follow through with all of these wonderfully exciting new ideas they were having. This made the IH so mad, not only did He specify a gender by which they could refer to Him when they cursed His name, he also became visible to them (just to make the point that He could still do whatever He wanted). The only thing the poppets saw of the IH, though, was a giant hand pointing the way out of the garden. This was the scene that was intricately carved in wood on the captain's door: two humanoids with their heads bowed low, an eel-like creature with a mischievous look on its face, and a giant hand pointing off to the side with the words BE GONE underneath it. Since this is exactly the sentiment that the captain wanted to convey to anyone approaching his quarters, he ordered the door to be removed from the Brothers of Creation monastery. It took five men to haul the massive thing from the top of the mountain to the ship docked at the base. It should have taken seven men, but the captain had already killed one for suggesting they build some type of cart in which to convey the door. The captain had taken this as an insult to his leadership and was small-minded enough not to realize that a simple search of the monastery grounds would have afforded them just such a vehicle. The other crew member in the landing party had managed to slip away unnoticed while the first was being killed and the captain was still so put out at the affront to his authority that he didn't notice until they were already back at the ship.
(to be continued)
PS: In case you're wondering why I would write about such a "delightful" pirate captain, you can be assured that this pirate captain is not the "hero" of the book. (My pirate captain is a woman who mutinies against this captain.)
posted by LTV at
9/19/2007 03:59:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home