when the door opens
I wrote this today for my poetry meeting tonight. I decided to play with a certain structure.
when the door opens
air bygone
with the dirty
green smell
of fresh peas
a fresh breeze
fells a sheen
of dirty
blond hair
ltv
It seemed to go over well. Here's a poem I wrote on the way home (in my head, I WAS driving) .
I cared
that you liked it
I don't know why
you're just
some poetry guy
not like me
but like me
just the same
maybe you came
to hear just this poem
to give me
that genuine smile
that I would accept
to make my day
or did you come
to feel that way instead
ltv
(Already my insecurities are making me doubt whether it was genuine or not. Yes, my self-esteem can get that low. Fortunately though, it's become like a rubber band and tends to snap back up after a while.)
when the door opens
air bygone
with the dirty
green smell
of fresh peas
a fresh breeze
fells a sheen
of dirty
blond hair
ltv
It seemed to go over well. Here's a poem I wrote on the way home (in my head, I WAS driving) .
I cared
that you liked it
I don't know why
you're just
some poetry guy
not like me
but like me
just the same
maybe you came
to hear just this poem
to give me
that genuine smile
that I would accept
to make my day
or did you come
to feel that way instead
ltv
(Already my insecurities are making me doubt whether it was genuine or not. Yes, my self-esteem can get that low. Fortunately though, it's become like a rubber band and tends to snap back up after a while.)
posted by LTV at
10/11/2007 08:46:00 PM
1 Comments:
I expected that a poem titled "when the door opens" would contain "God shuts a window", but you went against my expectations. Good for you!
Hard to tell how much appreciation in a discussion group is polite vs. sincere. Easier to tell if criticism is something you agree with or not. I like approbation, and sometimes I specifically want to write something that will go over well with an audience, but mostly I write for myself. People may clap, but it often sounds perfunctory to me.
By
Bob Hoeppner, at Fri Oct 12, 07:29:00 AM GMT-5
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