Silkworm 4 now out!

The Florence Poets Society has released Silkworm 4, their annual review. Below are the poems I have included in it.


suitcase full of crazy

we’ve all grown weary travellin’
on these gritty different streets
some of us have fancy shoes
but most are on bare feet
we think our destination
is the only place to be
but we’re always where we are
if we’d only look and see
in our quest we drive along
every should or could have been
the what-ifs or the maybes
and the dreams we don’t go in
we pick up bits of crazy
at convenient local stops
or wander down a detour
to find special crazy shops
and when our journey’s slowing
if we’re lucky, towards the end
we stow away our suitcase
and share crazy with our friends

ltv




[untitled]

in the fog of pain
killers pumping
through my veins
I choke -- cough
up this tube

memories of college
drinking aftermaths
spew through my mind
but that was decades ago
and though my aged body
feels just as bad
aspirin won't fix this

I struggle without
the aid of pure oxygen

my father and I
when I was ten
watched fish that we caught
flop and gasp on the floor
of the rowboat he rented

I watched him die too
like my family
is watching me now
how can they do it -- well

it won't be long at least
already their voices and songs
are getting far away

and it feels better
not to breathe

ltv

Kestra's Cancer (my kitty) is back

Kestra's lymphoma is back. After 15 months of watching and worrying that her Lymphoma would kill her (as the doctor indicated it would do rather quickly after the surgery that confirmed the diagnosis), another tumor has developed. I had hoped the surgery to remove the cancer-ridden node in January of 2009 would rid her of it completely, but that is not the case. The vet treating her is thorough, though. He spoke with the Tufts Veterinary Oncology Department to determine the best course of treatment for her. There were three options. 1) surgically remove the second lymph node from the neck; 2) treat with steroids to shrink the tumor; 3) do nothing. The bottom line is that she has Lymphoma, which is systemic, and will not go away. It is incurable. Surgically removing the tumor will only put the cat through that trauma and another tumor may develop somewhere else. Treating with the steroids might shrink the lymph node or it might do nothing (or it might cause her to have bad side effects even though the majority of cats tolerate it well). Doing nothing would only allow the tumor to continue growing and possibly spread to the other lymph nodes faster.

I decided on the steroids. The least invasive option that may produce favorable results. Can cats get six-pack abs ? Should I worry if she starts moving the furniture around while I'm at work? But seriously, I'm hoping she doesn't have any bad side effects and that it really does shrink the lymph node. At least the cancer is a slow-moving one. The doctor called it indolent nodal lymphoma . I don't know what this means for life expectancy, and she is going to be 11 in August. Maybe she'll be with me another three or four years. (A girl can dream.)

On a side note, a few weeks before I discovered the enlarged lymph node I was talking with my co-workers and made the following comment: I would gladly accept my cat's cancer back if my friend's cancer would be completely gone. She's currently going through radiation, after going through chemotherapy, after (a while ago) undergoing a complete hysterectomy (she has endometrial cancer). She won't know for a few weeks if her tumor is gone, but at least the chemo stopped the spread of it (it was found in her lungs); hopefully the radiation will knock out the initial tumor.

So, did I make a deal with the Universe? And, if so, can I use the loophole of "gladly accept" as justification for treating my cat rather than letting her just get cancer-ridden and die?