My Sweet Sappho

If you know me, then you have probably at least heard of my 14 yo cat Sappho (or Saphie). Some of you may have even seen parts of her as she ran away when you arrived. Sappho is the one with the odd problems that after several hundred dollars end up being unsolvable or just a common thing. She's had some scares, but luckily, she is doing well.

Until yesterday, that is. I awoke and came downstairs to see her staring up at me with an almost demonic look in her eye. Her head was cocked all the way to the right side at an odd angle. It was shocking. I called her name and she tried to stand, but fell over instead. She wasn't meowing at all, but she was purring loudly. I pet her head and back and after a few seconds she was fine. She sauntered into the kitchen had some food, then walked across the room and had some water. I called her over to me, and she came as she usually does. I moved my hand up, then down, left, then right to see if she would follow it. She did, with no hesitation. Just to be on the safe side, I brought her into work with me to watch her. (I had the whole set up: litterbox, food, water, carrier with her blanket.) She had a couple more incidents and she would walk for water or food, but mostly she slept by my desk for the day. She didn't have any incidents all afternoon, but when I brought her home she had another one. It only lasted a few seconds and then she was fine.

This morning, I came downstairs and Sappho was sleeping where she always does. I pet her and she startled awake with a mew and began purring. She seemed fine, but I decided to bring her into work again just to be safe. Well, let me tell you: she is fine. So fine that I wanted to kill her at one point. She was meowing loudly (clearly telling me she did not want to be there) and wandering around my office. She then jumped over the door barrier which had held her in nicely the day before. I brought her back, changed the barrier so it was higher, and she jumped over that too. So, I decide to let her roam the 10,000 sq ft or so of mostly empty office space I am currently enjoying. She walked the entire perimeter checking every room before she let me bring her back to my office. I put an even higher barrier on the door and she just sat there looking at it as if to say "I can do that". Finally, after a couple of inappropriately loud meows from her while I was on the phone, I decided to bring her home. She settled right down the minute I let her out at home. Found a spot and took a nap. I am glad I didn't bring her to the vet this time! The whole strange thing/nothing probably would have cost me $200. (Although, if I had thought she was suffering, I would have brought her in no matter what the cost.)

As luck would have it, today I also snagged a free piece of cat furniture from the email group I belong to called Freecycle. It's a wonderful concept. If you don't want something, post it as "Offered"; if you do want something, post it as "Wanted". I have received and given out so many different types of items. I gave my couch away and some rugs and old magazines. I have received a bicycle, a flatbed scanner (since my bosses were too cheap to let me buy one last year, fat lot of good that bit of savings did us!) and now, this wonderful piece of cat furniture. I was in the market for one since my beloved Saphie had begun scratching the couches and chairs in the living room (basically claiming that room as hers). I needed something smaller for her to scratch on and sleep on (and claim as her own). I knew the minute I saw it that she would love it. Two poles with sisal rope to scratch and a single kitty condo on top of one pole and a square hammock on the other. The fabric? Furry black (like Saphie).

The end of this long blog about Sappho is that she loves sleeping in the hammock and watching outside the window (it's at the perfect height). And since she matches the fabric, it's quite difficult to see where Sappho ends and the hammock begins. She appears some times to simply be floating at the window. I was looking at her just now and felt so happy that she was okay and content, I wanted to share it. (Mostly because there is a very dark side of me that is already worrying that I will find her dead in the hammock tomorrow morning.)

"Find a happy place, find a happy place!" :*) (from "Finding Nemo")

My response to American Corporate Marketing Schemes

After seven or eight months of phone calls and mail congratulating me on my "new arrival", I got fed up today when a package arrived on my doorstep via UPS containing infant formula. Last year I signed up for a free subscription to American Baby magazine for my sister when they were in the process of buying a new house (which is why I didn't simply send the magazine to her address). I had no idea I would be inundated with so much marketing crap!



May 24, 2007

Meredith Corporation
Opt-Out Postal
Attn: Circulation
1716 Locust Street
Des Moines, Iowa 50309


Dear Circulation Supervisor:

I am outraged by the amount of mail I am receiving for signing up for a free subscription to American Baby. What makes the outrage worse is that I am not preparing for the birth of a "beautiful baby girl or boy". Nor am I expecting a little "bundle of joy" which your advertisers and money-grubbing cohorts use as teasers in the various flyers, letters, coupons, samples, and other marketing gimmicks they send to me. I am not about to have a child at all and yet, almost every single day I am reminded of that fact by the myriad of companies you have sold my name and address to.

Thank you very much for the aggravation you have caused me. Consider this my OPT-OUT letter to remove my postal address from your profiteering database. It is shameful how companies today give no regard to the private lives of the people who seek their services. No matter what is happening in our personal lives, we consumers are expected to go out of our way to OPT-OUT of being USED by your company. Shame, shame, shame on you.


Regrettably,


{signature & postal address}



CC: Herbert Baum, Chairman of the Board of Directors, Meredith Corporation

Healing a Nation

Comments and constructive criticism welcomed. I've been working and working this one and it still just isn't quite right.

Healing a Nation

what are the gains
for all our losses

human pawns
fall not just
to the Terrorists
who physically attack us

but to the Politicians
shipping other people's children
to fight an unsupported cause

and to the Protestors
shouting at soldiers
to give up their training
and strong-held beliefs
for a witty peace sign

how can we understand
the pain a soldier feels
in his missing legs
or her amputated arms

how can we know
the rejection they suffer
trying medicine after
medicine to cure ills
the government says
they don't even have

how can veterans
feel useful and needed
when used in photo ops
or in arguments against
a war they were ordered to fight

how might we heal
these wounds
we continue to inflict
upon our sons and daughters
who do what they are told
because they believe
we are worth it

ltv

Have I Mentioned I Hate My Mom's Cat?

Hello all, Forgive any typos (You'll know why in a minute). Thursday night I drove to my Mom's for a family dinner with an older uncle I haven't seen in years. (We'll ignore the panic attack I had, just this once). Then Friday I was to help my Mom take her cat (which is nicknamed Scratch Adams) to the vet, since my Mom cannot get her in the cat carrier. So, skilled cat wrangler that I am, I volunteered. I ended up having to chase the cat through the house, finally cornering her under my Mom's bed. I should have known better than to reach under the bed with no protective gear on, but, I was over-confident and we were running late. Several swears later, I pull the cat and my bloody hand out from under the bed, only to realize that the blood is literally streaming down my hand and I should probably deal with that rather than with the cat. So, I let the cat escape and I let my hand bleed over the sink while flushing it with some cold water. Then I pour hydrogen peroxide on it and apply the fifty-million bandaids to cover all the spots that are bleeding and I am ready to toss the cat into the cat carrier.

We make it to the vet's (the cat is perfectly fine and healthy) and my finger is throbbing. I offer to trade the cat for another one in the vet's office, but everyone simply laughs as if I were joking. We get home and the cat bolts out of the carrier and I go upstairs to change my bandages. I visit with my Mom for a few more hours before returning home to my condo. (Oh, my uncle, very well-meaningly, squeezed my bandaged hand as I was saying goodbye, causing me to just sob in the car on the way home.) Once at home, I relax have some dinner and call my best friend and tell her my tale of woe. During which I notice that my finger is about twice its normal size. She advises me to go to the ER. I tell her I would wait to see what it looked like in the morning.

The next morning, since the finger was only getting bigger, I drive myself to the ER. (Which of course, prompted another panic attack). There they tell me they will put me on antibiotics and they want to see me back in the ER the next day (today, Sunday) and if it isn't getting better I should prepare to be admitted for IV antibiotics. I ask about work on Monday (since it is a payroll week and I am the only one left who can process payroll). The doctor bluntly says: If you're admitted, you won't be going to work for a few days.

So this morning, I prepare a bag and notice that my finger (while still about twice the normal size) wasn't looking too bad. I prepared for the impending panic attack by taking my anti-anxiety med (it kicked in just AFTER the appointment) and drove myself to the hospital. At the hospital at 11am, I have a splint on my left middle finger (how appropriate), I am well into the throes of a panic attack so that I can barely sign my name with my "good" hand. Luckily, the verdict was that the antibiotics seemed to be working. I am released as long as I follow-up with an orthopedic doctor on Monday (since I still can't bend my finger).

All in all, I suppose it isn't all that bad, but I feel like crap and all I can focus on is that I am alone. Don't get me wrong, my cats have been marvelous with me the last few days. They know something's wrong and have shadowed me and slept next to me faithfully. Even my neighbor has been wonderful, offering to make me dinner or take care of the kitties. And friends who have already heard this saga have been sending well-wishes and checking in on me by phone, so I know that I am not really alone. But still, lying in bed, my finger aching, my stomach hurting from the antibiotics, I just wish someone human was there to tell me everything's going to be all right, and stroke my hair until I fall asleep. Is that too much to ask out of life?

PS Today I saw the orthopedic doc and I don't need surgery, the antibiotics are doing just what they should be. So another week or so of that (swellng and pain notwithstanding)and a bland diet and I will right as rain.

A Couple of New Poems

I adopt anxiety
as if it has no home
a lost and frightened puppy
with nowhere else to roam
and even though it chews me up
and leaves an awful mess
I fear I can't abandon it
I've protected my own stress

I try to teach obedience
restrain it with a muzzle
but binding it won't help me solve
this parasitic puzzle
it needs to understand it's place
and I need to take charge
since this anxious problem pup
isn't all that large

and someday soon this dog will be
sitting by my side
making just a little fuss
about dangers from outside
I will learn to heel it
and trust when it appears
my lost puppy will become
a guide to all my fears

ltv
5/3/07




my heart is a window
with panes of painted black
this ignorance of emotion
saves me from attack
but if I open up a bit
just when the weather's fair
the pressure forces everything in
both sweet and foul air
and since this muscle still is weak
having been dormant for so long
I shut the window down again
and pretend that I am strong

ltv
4/24/07

The Dalai Lama in Northampton

The whole atmosphere surrounding his visit was magical. Outside the Hotel Northampton, waiting. Incense wound its way through the air, people line the streets. Then the sirens came from the center of town, police stopped traffic, it was simply exciting. Something big was happening. The wind attempted to gust, but managed only a gentle breeze charged with energy. The XIV Dalai Lama, spiritual and political leader of Tibet (in exile) -- this man of peace, this monk who has reached out to the world to spread his message of compassion, forgiveness, tolerance, contentment and self-discipline (what he calls human values) -- was actually sharing the same sidewalk I was on.

After he entered the hotel, the people stayed outside. Rumors of a talk from the balcony buzzed amongst the crowd. The main doors open, and two small boys in Tibetan outfits come out smiling. The crowd erupts in applause and the boys seemed tickled by the attention. They were accepted into the crowd which contained many of the 130 members of this area's Tibetan community. Next to emerge were an elderly couple. Smiling to the response from the crowd. They too are welcomed in and still the people watched the door and waited. And waited. I overheard a reporter ask a local Tibetan woman whether she knew if the Dalai Lama was coming back out. She didn't believe so, but commented that sometimes the mind doesn't want to let go of the moment. And it seemed with that the crowd began to disperse. Until all that was left was a burning display of incense in a dirt circle.

I walked to my car, grinning from ear to ear. As I was leaving Northampton, my eyes began to well up. I was filled with such an immense feeling of joy and peace. Was that some remnant of the Dalai Lama's presence? Some magical power that he has? Well, in a way, I guess it was.

peace,
Laura


www.dalailama.com