Sunday is Poetry Day

Here's one I wrote today after reading Alan Watts' writings on faith.


for Alan Watts

I thought
I could float
on each
water molecule

selfishly
I grasped
for more
and more
until I sunk

then there
was your hand
not saving me
but showing the way

allowing me
to open up
and let the water
move me gently
to the surface

ltv

It's official! I'm unemployed (& writing poems)

I am now exactly what my Mother feared I would become with a Bachelor's Degree in English: unemployed and writing poetry. I must admit, though, I'm loving it!

Friday afternoon I processed all the paperwork to lay off two other employees and myself. Yes, that's right, I laid myself off. Story of my life, though, isn't it? It was quite sad (the layoff, not my life, that is going fairly well) but also a relief. We've been "preparing" for this to happen for over a year. My boss (who was hired in April of 2005) and then became the Vice President of Fabricated Products (seriously, I couldn't make that up) is rumored to have said recently that when he came on board he didn't think it would take this long to close the place. Obviously, I don't know for sure if he said this, since it is only hearsay, however, it still burned me up a bit. It made me feel that no matter how well I did there was nothing I could do to change the outcome. Reminds me of fate or divine prophecy. I don't believe in that crap either. I am glad I did my best at the job; to have done anything less would have belittled me as a person. No regrets. Just fond memories of an institution in the community of Northampton/Florence. What made me feel really good was donating all the historical items I found while cleaning out the place to the Northampton Historical Society rather than throwing them away as my corporate office would have me do.

After my lay off on Friday, I spent a weekend in Northampton (and Brattleboro) shoe shopping, getting my haircut and writing poetry. One of those activities is a bit strange for me. But I can take comfort in the fact that the shoes I bought were two pairs of sneakers and some comfy but business-like shoes I had been searching for for months. Just now I was trying to think of what type of black shoe it was, but I am so not into that crap that all I could think of was "shoes". (Yes, I'm a brilliant wordsmith, I mustn't forget that!)

I will get to the five so-so poems shortly. First, I just have to share a bit of my weirdness with you all. This morning I awoke with Alanis Morissette's song "Ironic" stuck in my head. And I was mocking it since most of the things she lists aren't ironic, just unfortunate. I was re-writing them in my head to make them ironic, but the best I came up with was "meeting the man of your dreams/and fucking his beautiful wife". That might qualify as ironic, depending on the order in which the events occur.

Okay, we've established that I am odd. Now some poetry.

(in order of when they were written on 7/22/07, for better or for worse)

#1

I am not
a candle in the wind
nor am I
a funeral pyre
I am
the smoldering ember
the remnant of the fire

I still burn
and may again be bright
for now I use
my waning strength
as fuel while out of sight

nothing lasts longer
than burning slow
simply to survive
and through
such patience
energy builds
allowing me to thrive

ltv


#2

Emily watches over me
in meter and in rhyme
I can hear emboldened truths
whispered over time
some say she was an innocent
a child afraid of life
but wisdom roars in tiny poems
borne from internal strife
and those of us who see the world
through broken, weary eyes
understand the girl in white
we see through that disguise

ltv

#3

I am writing crap today
but at least I have a lot
perhaps in all this fecal mess
a gem of sorts I'll spot

ltv

(especially apt due to my recent unpleasantness)


#4

people always
came to her
she heard her
mother say
when she was young
she couldn't keep
anyone away

she also never
sought them out
the reprieve was
always savored
solitude is a rare delight
when a child's wit is favored

now older some
and on her own
this girl is
lacking skill
but soon with wisdom
and with time
her life she
soon will fill

ltv


#5

I am an echo
of myself
a ripple
on the lake
the part of me
that's visible
impossible
to take

this strength
of voice
protected like
the stone safe
in the muck
reaching out
beyond my form
in search of
better luck

ltv

I still don't like the ending here. It sounds too trite, but I couldn't think of a better word/image to rhyme with "silt". Perhaps this:

the stone safe
in the silt
reaching out
beyond my form
in search of
Scottish kilts
(you see my dilemma)

or maybe this:

the stone safe
in the mud
reaching out
beyond my form
in search of
a great big thud


Okay, I think I need to stop now. I'll stick with this first one.

Pity? Party of one?

Hello all,

Forgive my whining, but I have had just about enough of this. If you have been reading these posts, you'll know I have had a horrible month and a half dealing with a cat bite infection in my finger and an antibiotic-induced infection in my colon. Well, I was finally starting to feel better, when IT started again: the unpleasantness (in lieu of a more descriptive term). I immediately call my doctor and she has me provide a sample for testing. (This was last Wednesday.) I was quite relieved (no pun intended) on Thursday when I was told it was not clostridium difficile (c-diff).

By Sunday I was well enough to take my friend out to lunch for her birthday (I even ate french fries!). No problems all day. Then BAM! Monday morning I awake to unpleasantness. All day, sick. Starting to feel better by Tuesday, so I risk the thinnest slice of cheese pizza since we were finally having our "going away" pizza party at work (even though we still won't be going away for another two weeks). I knew it was a stupid move, but I did it anyway since I was feeling really hungry. I had a doctor's appt later that day and she ordered more tests and told me it was probably just my IBS acting up (look it up on Google if you don't know what it is). But there was more unpleasantness Tuesday afternoon/evening. So, I decide, WTF, I'm already sick, I might as well have the leftover chicken caesar wrap from Sunday. Consequences be damned!

Except, there were no consequences that night at all. And on Wednesday, I awoke feeling fine. I had eggs and turkey bacon for breakfast and still fine. Great I thought, I am getting better. I eat sensibly all day (just in case), and this morning (it's Thursday for anyone not keeping track)I wake to BAM!: unpleasantness. Now, I'm beginning to believe it is just my IBS acting up. Even though I have been successfully managing it for ten years, clearly, I must be doing something wrong now. Anyway, I call my doctor to see if she still needs a third sample from me (believe this gets so old, so fast). The nurse says, oh thanks for calling back.(I wasn't, but when I got home I realized they had left a message for me even though I continually tell them to call my cell phone.) Well, it turns out I have c.diff again. And the treatment this time is 30 days of antibiotics. Yummy, I can almost feel that metallic taste crawling from the back of my tongue slowly down my throat. She says the prescription will be called in to my pharmacy by the end of the day.

4pm today, I get to Stop & Shop and decide to shop first since technically it wasn't the end of the day yet. By about 4:20pm, my shopping is almost done and I check in with the pharmacist. The response: sorry, no prescription was called in. I call my doctor's office (now it's twenty to five) and get this: "Well, it will be called in by the end of the day, oh wait, what time is it? Oh, well, she's in with someone, I'll have her do it when she gets out." By 5pm there was still no prescription called in. So, I said FUCK IT. If my doctor is not that concerned about it, why should I be? I went home; crying of course, because I didn't get any sleep last night, I felt sick all day and found out that the nasty colon infection is back which also means that the likelihood that it will KEEP recurring has just increased. (Some websites I read had stories from people dealing with this thing for years!)

So, if that wasn't bad enough, here's what happened Monday when I came home from work (still sick). I discovered Sappho having some sort of seizure (similar to the one I previously posted about). I call the vet and he says that if they are happening one or two months apart there's nothing to do but wait to see if they get worse. This could turn out to be one of my worst years ever.

That's all my whining for the day. Now that it's out I am going to remind myself that life is still good and tomorrow is another day and some other cliche that means everything will be all right. I'll have a good dinner and watch some sci fi programs online.

Side note: This not having cable thing is awesome ever since I found this site: http://www.tv-links.co.uk/ I am actually ahead of the US Sci-Fi channel viewers on the third series of Doctor Who. And, yes, I am just that big of a nerd to be pleased about that! Deal with it. :*)

Oh, and one more thing, I've managed to kill my cactus plant. I think it is safe to say that I do NOT have a green thumb.