Some Absurdist Poems

Dickinson-Monroe: An Unlikely Friendship

If you knew me then,
Emily, with my sexy white dress
and striking blonde hair
would you have approved
would you have secretly wished
your company was as wanted
as mine was

If you knew me then,
Marilyn, with my plain white dress
and insular existence
would you have envied
my apparent loneliness
would you have visited
if you thought my calm
would be as upset as yours

could Amherst be
our secret place
to hide away
from fame
for us to touch
the other's face
in reassurance
that the World
doesn't know us at all

ltv



An Average Relationship

ugly
and embarrassed
to be seen
the Zombie
locked itself
into the bathroom

the Unicorn
tapped, tapped
unsuccessfully
with its horn
on the hollow-core door

the Zombie's
muffled sobs
only got louder
when the Unicorn
tried You're beautiful to me
which had worked
on previous occasions

only after
the Unicorn had trotted
into the forest to do its business
did the Zombie emerge
triumphant in its despondence
at being abandoned by its lover

ltv



Slumming

explosions of quiet
erupted through
the celebrating crowd
until not a sound
could be heard
in Times Square

it was 12.02am
and the residents
of the Americas
were just now
discovering
that alien life forms
really existed
and what is more
they had come visiting
unexpectedly

which is not exactly
the best first impression
to give a potential neighbor
but then, the Earthlings didn't
know yet that Jupiter --
having been on the market
for far too long --
had finally sold
to the nomadic race
of hydrogen-based life forms
from the posh
Horsehead Nebula

ltv

Giant Poisonous Toad

giant poisonous toad

My favorite quote from the article

"They are so easily recognized; people aren't afraid to euthanize them, whether stomping or freezing or shooting them," he said.

Wildlife experts say the most humane choice is to pop it into a plastic bag and put it in a freezer for a couple of days or smack it with a shovel.

In what twisted universe is "smacked with a shovel" considered to be humane? I'll bet a whole group of people in this country think this is okay. Am I right? Am I a crazy, naive,idealistic, hippie peace-lover for thinking this can't possibly be considered humane? What's wrong with that? The other option is the sort of human that would take an animal out of its natural habitat to solve a human problem, find out it works too well, then decide the best way of dealing with it is to kill it. Aren't there any other ideas? What were the toad's natural predators in their home country? Do we have anything like that in a similar environment? Can we supply a steady supply of food for them in one protected area, so that they don't want to stray into people's backyards. Seriously, am I crazy? Aren't humans supposed to be more evolved than the primitives? We have well-developed brains; let's start using them to find creative, earth-friendly solutions to problems we've created.

Ok. Ok. I'm off my soapbox and am doing much better now. It's time for dinner. I know! Someone can charge a lot of money for adventure seekers to eat these toads fileted or deep-fried in beer-batter? No. Wait. What would be the humane way of killing them then?

Movie Review and some miscellaneous stuff

If you like subtitles (or at least don't mind them) or if you speak Spanish, and you liked "Meet the Parents" you will enjoy this film. Here's the description from Netflix:

"Only Human"
(In Spanish with English subtitles)

This zany comedy in Meet the Parents fashion is a cautionary tale of bringing home that special someone. Leni's family is a handful: there's her blind grandfather, the belly dancer sister with a 5-year-old daughter, the brother with a newfound relationship with religion, the pre-menopausal mother and the estranged father. Leni brings her fiancé, Rafi, to meet the family, but all chaos ensues when the Jewish clan discovers he's Palestinian.

I was pleasantly misled and shocked by this film. There are some dark elements which, quite frankly, made me gasp out loud then laugh at the absurdity. And it doesn't hurt that Leni is played by an actress that looks somewhat reminiscent of Debra Messing (Grace of "Will and Grace"). Picture Grace, but with a sounder head on her shoulders. It also doesn't hurt that there's a very seductive belly-dancing scene. Before you bring your SO to meet your folks, watch this film, then you won't feel so bad after your own first meeting goes horribly awry.



Some miscellaneous stuff:

Verizon came to my house Saturday to repair my crappy phone service. The technician was courteous. He tested a jack in my basement, fixed the problem outside and left. When I went downstairs later on in the day, I noticed he had left some "testy thing" (as my brain initially identified the equipment) on my desk. I pondered calling Verizon to let them know that the technician had left his "testy thing" at my house and decided to think of a better way to describe the equipment before making the call.


I recently scored a "Baby Einstein" DVD from Freecycle. Since the brain and its development is a sort of hobby for me (yes, you knew I was a nerd) and since I don't want to mess up the developmental progress of my new nephew, I had to watch the DVD before I could give it to my nephew. (I know he is only 5 months old; but, still, it matters!) Remember, these DVD's are intended for babies; the production values are a bit low tech. I think the only adults who should watch this DVD are those who have taken some type of mind-altering drug. I ended up fast-forwarding through the DVD to get the "gist" of what was being shown. What was being shown, by the way, was alternating infant toys, weird gyroscopes and pictures of things the producers probably wanted to get the baby familiar with. These pictures included fruits, vegetables, and animals (which was an odd juxtaposition, but at least they didn't show cows and chickens). I was most surprised by the picture of bean sprouts. I believe the sequence went as follows: apple, banana, nectarine, bean sprouts. What does that mean? Perhaps it makes perfect sense to the infant brain.


I spent four hours Saturday afternoon re-screening my front door after some neighbor's cat clawed the bottom half of it. I was happy to have gotten free screening materials through Freecycle (I'm obsessed, I admit it.) so, didn't have the luxury of nylon. Yes, that's right, metal screening. Like chicken wire really, but more pokey. I received about a hundred and fifty tiny little jabs in my fingers and hands as I stupidly continued to work with this unforgiving material. I only screwed up once and had to rip out the screen and re-do it. Due to the nature of the metal screen, it didn't stretch as neatly as I would have liked. Plus, the screen had been folded up before I used it. So, now my front screen has no scratches, but an odd distortion running up one side and various folds that I wasn't able to smooth out. Luckily, it looks good from a distance, so my condo association board won't make a stink about it. It'll probably take a week of me looking at it in disgust before I buckle and buy new screening materials to re-screen it.

This is a good year

Hello friends and Internet denizens,

I am about to tempt "fate" and declare that despite some very nasty and unfortunate things that have happened in my life, this year has been pretty good. Of course, I may only be saying that since I have had a decent first two days of my new job and I shook hands with one of my favorite celebrities (more on that in a bit).

I am continually reminded of why I chose to return to the Northampton area. Whether it is the amazing visitors to the area (I shared a sidewalk with the Dalai Lama in April), the phenomenal arts and cultural scene (this includes you FloPoSo) or whether it is simply the "Northampton Blue" sky at night, I get a warm and happy feeling that quite frankly, I am not used to getting. Having struggled with depression and an anxiety disorder for 20 and 16 years respectively, I saw happiness as something fleeting which mocked me as the sadness encroached upon my heart and I retreated from the world. Oddly enough, my depression has become as familiar as the sun rising each day. I know it will come; and I am baffled when it doesn't. I have been baffled quite a bit lately. I am learning to stop waiting for that other shoe to drop.

Tonight, I attended an artist's reception at Michelson's for a well-known photographer. His subjects are nude women (and, no, that is not the only reason I enjoy his work) paired with religious symbolism or challenging cultural perceptions of beauty. His latest exhibit is called The Full Body Project and is on display in the upper gallery at Michelson's in Northampton. I'm not going to delve into the cultural implications and importance of his work at the moment. Suffice it to say that any artist that can, on a large scale, challenge the current paradigm of a society is worthwhile. So, I was excited to be able to meet this man face to face and say "thank you" for bringing me joy through his art. Coincidentally, this man is also a sci-fi legend. He is (as you may know if you've already checked out the links) none other than Leonard Nimoy (Mr. Spock, for you non-Trek fans). I SHOOK SPOCK'S HAND!

Now, here's where my craziness comes in. As I was walking down Main St, still holding the camera which contained proof of my proximity to my idol (check out the pics on MySpace), I felt deliriously joyous. Then, within seconds, the sadness washed over me. No words accompanied the feeling. Just a vague sense of "don't get too full of yourself or something bad will happen". I fought back. I called my brother-in-law who would not only appreciate the encounter, but would genuinely be pleased for me. I also spoke with my sister and confided my hesitations to her. She reminded me that emotions are, by nature, transitory and the fact that I was happy now was awesome. Nothing subsequent to this experience can diminish it. Sometimes, my mind will replay events and point out character flaws or other social imperfections. This is a function of my anxiety disorder; but tonight, with my sister's help, I am learning to shove that instant replay out of my mind so I can simply experience the moment.

I should point out that having been a practitioner of Wicca for several years, I have become accustomed to celebrating my spiritual New Year at the Wiccan New Year, which is Samhain or, as most of you know it, Halloween. This year has brought me new insights to what I am able to allow myself to experience. I am learning to trust my emotions and my instincts better. I am finally learning how to live my life right. Tonight, I am deep down, uncontrollably smiling, head rush happy. (And I am enjoying it.)