This is a good year

Hello friends and Internet denizens,

I am about to tempt "fate" and declare that despite some very nasty and unfortunate things that have happened in my life, this year has been pretty good. Of course, I may only be saying that since I have had a decent first two days of my new job and I shook hands with one of my favorite celebrities (more on that in a bit).

I am continually reminded of why I chose to return to the Northampton area. Whether it is the amazing visitors to the area (I shared a sidewalk with the Dalai Lama in April), the phenomenal arts and cultural scene (this includes you FloPoSo) or whether it is simply the "Northampton Blue" sky at night, I get a warm and happy feeling that quite frankly, I am not used to getting. Having struggled with depression and an anxiety disorder for 20 and 16 years respectively, I saw happiness as something fleeting which mocked me as the sadness encroached upon my heart and I retreated from the world. Oddly enough, my depression has become as familiar as the sun rising each day. I know it will come; and I am baffled when it doesn't. I have been baffled quite a bit lately. I am learning to stop waiting for that other shoe to drop.

Tonight, I attended an artist's reception at Michelson's for a well-known photographer. His subjects are nude women (and, no, that is not the only reason I enjoy his work) paired with religious symbolism or challenging cultural perceptions of beauty. His latest exhibit is called The Full Body Project and is on display in the upper gallery at Michelson's in Northampton. I'm not going to delve into the cultural implications and importance of his work at the moment. Suffice it to say that any artist that can, on a large scale, challenge the current paradigm of a society is worthwhile. So, I was excited to be able to meet this man face to face and say "thank you" for bringing me joy through his art. Coincidentally, this man is also a sci-fi legend. He is (as you may know if you've already checked out the links) none other than Leonard Nimoy (Mr. Spock, for you non-Trek fans). I SHOOK SPOCK'S HAND!

Now, here's where my craziness comes in. As I was walking down Main St, still holding the camera which contained proof of my proximity to my idol (check out the pics on MySpace), I felt deliriously joyous. Then, within seconds, the sadness washed over me. No words accompanied the feeling. Just a vague sense of "don't get too full of yourself or something bad will happen". I fought back. I called my brother-in-law who would not only appreciate the encounter, but would genuinely be pleased for me. I also spoke with my sister and confided my hesitations to her. She reminded me that emotions are, by nature, transitory and the fact that I was happy now was awesome. Nothing subsequent to this experience can diminish it. Sometimes, my mind will replay events and point out character flaws or other social imperfections. This is a function of my anxiety disorder; but tonight, with my sister's help, I am learning to shove that instant replay out of my mind so I can simply experience the moment.

I should point out that having been a practitioner of Wicca for several years, I have become accustomed to celebrating my spiritual New Year at the Wiccan New Year, which is Samhain or, as most of you know it, Halloween. This year has brought me new insights to what I am able to allow myself to experience. I am learning to trust my emotions and my instincts better. I am finally learning how to live my life right. Tonight, I am deep down, uncontrollably smiling, head rush happy. (And I am enjoying it.)